Anti-climatic.

My day ended in a rather anti-climatic fashion.

You see, today is the last day I get to see a very good friend and teacher before she leaves for Australia for a year.

Today is the last day I get to see her because today is marks our last lesson together.

I gave her a bag I made and a card. But we forgot to take a photo together. ):

I always thought the final lesson will end with a pep talk, with lots of tears and such. Instead, it ended on a good note, lots of laughter and joy.

It was somewhat anti-climatic, given that I had imagined that it will be a sad day...

I did end up going home a little depressed though.

I didn't get to take a photo with her, my Ipod died on me on the bus ride home. ):

But I have lots of awesome yummy food to eat while watching Desperate Housewives. :DD

Like I said, anti-climatic.

When you give up something, you should get something of equal value in return.

Whenever I am not online or on Blogger, I usually have a long list of things I want to blog out because it is interesting in my opinion.

Posts that will be filled with my opinion on people around me, and how society dishes out shit every single time.

I wonder if it's short term memory, or that blogging is no longer a priority in my life.

I either cant remember what I want to blog about, or I just get distracted with other shows out there.

One thing I wanted to blog about was this :

I was thinking about this as I was about to fall asleep during a sleepover...

I was never a person with a huge social circle.

I tend to get along better with people that I do not know well. Especially those in between ages 13-14.

My social circle is actually extremely tiny. Therefore most of the time, it would be people making time for me, instead of me making time for them.

I was always the type of person who felt that all I needed was just a best friend. I can live my life with one best friend and nobody else.

I then realise, while growing up, that things like that is not going to happen to me.

People around me who have been labelled as my best friend, they all seem to have an expiry date.

So as of now, I probably do not have a best friend, at all. Just close friends around me.

And I was just thinking last night, if I were to run away from home, ever, I would have nowhere to go, literally.

My room is my only place of solitude, the only place where I seek comfort and I can be myself where nobody will judge me for the way I am and the way I look. But these days, there are people who have been trespassing on my sanctuary, and more or less, devalue the place.

I realise that people I thought know me really well have actually been in my life, or have been talking to me for about 5 years or less. And those people include family members.

People I thought I knew, people I held dear to my heart, and people I include in my life, turns out I am not as important a person as I thought I am.

I always believed that loyalty is an important trait in a person when it comes to building a relationship. So when I put a certain amount of time when building a relationship, I always felt that it is important that I get that same amount back in return.

But noooooooo, life is nothing like that.

I am a little depressed these days, and angsty. So dont mind the depressing posts about people and relationships.

I think it is very safe to say that I no longer wish to invest time and feelings on people I know who will not return it back to me. I am sick and tired of getting the shorter end on the stick, investing my time in people around me whom I regard as important, only to get pushed or brushed aside when "someone else better" comes along.

I know that peoples' lives do not revolve around me, but I do not think that I am that insignificant enough to be the only one who is actually doing something and end up being tossed away like garbage after they get what they want.

Story of my life, I really wonder if anybody actually feels the same way I do.

Someone I know once said this to me after I told her my dream :

Is that what you really want?

Or are you searching for something else in the process?

I just had one of the worst submission ever in the 3 years of my Poly life.

My work was probably nowhere near 75% done.

And instead of freaking out like I used to do back then when I still cared about something, I was actually pretty calm.

Which is a nicer way of saying that I no longer give two shits about it.

Recent events have made me realise how much I do not give two shits... to anything in general, other than things that involve myself.

I am not sure if it's because it's the time of the month or what.

But I realise that I no longer care about how people feel.

I used to be able to sympathize with others when they leave their clique because of personality differences. Or they are just left out of the group because the people there are just not who they think they are.

I used to be able to, used to.

Right now, I really don't give two shits about it. The sky can come crashing down on me, and I would probably only be bothered to save myself, and myself only.

I'm not sure if it's right to say I have matured...

It feels like I am just looking at things, at life, in a different light because of how things have changed.

People you once hold so close to your heart, people you thought meant the world to you, just because they are your world doesn't mean that those feelings are reciprocated.

The world doesn't revolve around you. And the world will not stop revolving just because something bad happens to you.

And just because someone you think cares for you, doesn't mean that you are all that important in their life.

Everyone in life is replaceable.

If there is one thing I absolutely hate...

It would have to be thieves.

So your family is not capable of showering you with luxury items you want so you can flaunt and be all "cool" in front of your friends.

That, dear thief, IS NOT A FUCKING REASON TO STEAL FROM ANYBODY.

If you are wondering who I am addressing here, it would be my part-time maid.

Dear God, why are humans so obsessed with making money only, and would rather delegate the task of keeping a clean home to a stranger?

Why?!

My mother went ahead and hired a part-time maid who cleans pretty well. But she stole from my dad and I.

One of my Hot Topic shirts went missing even before I got to wear it. And my dad had his money stolen. In many different currencies.

You would think that I have so many Hot Topic shirts, and that I am rich enough to let her have one.

Well, FUCK YOU.

You want a shirt? Go earn the money to get one yourself.

I do not believe in charity for the people who are fully capable of earning money for themselves.

If you are capable of stringing a proper sentence, and is able to walk and move with no help needed, then you are perfectly capable of getting a job and buying things for yourself instead of stealing from others.

The money I spent at Hot Topic is hard-earned money I earn myself from my part-time job. Don't you for a second think that all the money I spent online or outside comes from my parents. I do get a stable allowance from my dad every week because if he gives me monthly allowance, I will spent it all within a day.

So yes, I do get weekly allowance. But the amount is not enough to buy me anything I want. It is enough to get what I need, but not what I want.

Come on people. Everyone is greedy. We shop for the things we want, not the things we need. If not, it is not called indulgence or luxury.

Because I know the amount my dad gives me every week is not enough to satisfy my greed for material goods, that is why I work hard for my money.

There is a damn good reason why I fucking hate thieves, pickpockets, robbers.

YOU FUCKERS ARE TAKING THINGS THAT PEOPLE BOUGHT WITH THEIR HARD-EARNED MONEY.

May karma bite you in the ass so hard that you return everything you stole with interest.

If there is one thing I have learned in all 20 years of my life...

It would be that who needs family when you have friends?

Friends come before family...

No matter how I see it, whichever angle I look at it, it's always the same.

Friends before family.

By the way,

I fucking hate Interior Design.

And I can't wait to be done with it.

Nothing, right now, is pushing me to want to continue Interior Design.

I would rather bum around at home, sleeping in till 2pm every day than to go to school and do my Final Year Project.

If only there was a way for me to bum around at home till late.

):

I'm just saying...

I did a bit of talking with a friend today... and it made me think about many things...

I am firstly, VERY WORRIED about my future. ;A;

I grew up as a child, not knowing what I really wanted out of my life.

I always thought that my life would end after O levels because nobody told me about university and the working world.

I grew up pretty weirdly, I guess, maybe that was why I have to work extra hard to get what I really want after I graduate.

I can only name Korean celebrities, and a few others because I live in my own little bubble where I only care about what I think and how I portray myself for the world to see.

People like G-dragon of BIGBANG and BoA have been training since like... 12? Or even younger because they know what they want to be when they grow up.

And I, at age 20, finally decide what I want to do with my life, but it feels like I am 8 years past the age where I get to decide.

If you ask me, I pretty much am not able to remember what I have learnt back in primary or secondary school because everything just past me by, and all I can remember are the sunsets, me getting into trouble and all the other bad stuff that happened.

I just wish I can just, turn back time.

Maybe if I knew that by working harder then would make things easier for me now, maybe things will not be the way it is today.

I'm just saying...

I always believe that someday I will become rich and famous.

And when I am, I will not even need to think twice about flying anywhere I want because I have the money to do so.

...

I am very very tempted to just book a ticket to fly to Japan or Korea right now.

Very, very very tempted.

:/ Christmas wish-list and stuff...

I haven't updated in centuries, I apologize.

Nothing much have happened recently, apart from me getting a new table, a new-old table lamp and a whole bunch of other stuff like my mother threatened to to divorce my dad...

Other than that, life is actually pretty normal.

I figured that I should stop being anal about not blogging unless I have something insanely awesome to share with the world.

So randomness is the way to go. :DD

My critique session is tomorrow, not looking forward to it.

I really cannot wait to be done with Interior Design.

I look forward to bumming around the house a lot more after I graduate... :/ If I can graduate. D:

And today, I have decided to do up a Christmas wish-list. :D

It was random, but I figured it's time for me to get it anyway. :D

1. A box set of the Harry Potter series in the adult hard cover. :D
2. I am considering Percy Jackson and the Narnia series too.
3. I am thinking, more sneakers. :D
4. And maybe a new camera, because I am currently thinking of selling my ixus 100.

Canon cameras are like Nokia phones.

They come out with new designs like every other month. My ixus is less than a year old, or so. And already it's considered old. D:

Roar!

Hi, my name is Roo and I am actually painfully shy.

Hi, my name is Roo and I am actually painfully shy.

And nobody believes it.

I wasn't exactly inspired by anything to do posts like these but I figured it would be blog-worthy. ._.

So...

Growing up, I was never this confident of myself all the time.

I still am not confident, I just look like I don't give two shits about everything when in actual fact I am very self-conscious and that I obsess over how people look at me.

Proof of being self-conscious : You are most likely to find me thinking about what I had said a few years/months/days/hours/minutes back and if I find what I had said to be cringe-worthy, I will cringe and kind of scold myself for saying stupid things like that.

Yes, I can remember things I said back at certain events. But usually they just spill out so fast, I won't remember them at all. It has to be of some significant event for me to remember really well.

I digress. :/

But yes, I am not as out there or insane as I portray myself to be. In fact, if I could, I probably would want to just stay indoors or wear black all over.

It all kinda started when I was 12, going on 13.

I mixed with some people whom I regret hanging out with. I guess my time in secondary school was meant to be a dark, dark period for me.

Growing up, I was never fully aware of the people around me and how they looked at me.

When I was 11, a classmate turned the class against me, and yet I still survived because I didn't give them the time of the day when they were talking shit about me.

(Some girl backstabbed me in the most random way. And I obviously can still remember it till today.)

I wear the clothes I wanted to wear, I apply makeup in weird colors all over my face and I parade myself out like that for the world to see.

(I was into makeup ever since I could walk, apparently.)

I didn't care if the shirt was too tight, or that I looked like a clown. To me at that age, I.WAS.COOL.

At least I was cool enough to do shit that nobody in my school dares to.

Then came secondary school.

I got closer to a girl whom I have known since I was 7, we were in the same class then.

We started hanging out because we took the same bus to and from school and we were in the same class together in Secondary 1.

Soon we started hanging out after school, meaning walking around aimlessly at random areas.

And I remember the first time we went out, and I had gone home to shower and change, she saw what I wore and said,

"Isn't the shirt a bit too tight for you?"

Then BAM!

That was the first time I felt so conscious of myself, and that was actually my favourite shirt. D:

I remember getting a really bad haircut, and eating too much fries when I was about 12-14. And God knows if she is making this up, but she said as I was alighting from the bus, these two boys were saying how stupid I looked because of what I was wearing.

Looking back, she was never really a true friend.

If she was a true friend, she probably should and would have stood up for me. Or at least keep her two-cents to herself. I would prefer she keep her two-cents to herself. Saying things like "Isn't that shirt a bit too tight for you?" is not exactly a damn nice thing to say to your friend when your friend didn't ask for your opinion.

That just gave me another reason to hate her, heh.

& from that statement above, it's probably obvious that I am no longer friends with her, even though she was still stalking my Facebook page.

This post is getting insanely long, and I have not even reached the main points yet.

That was the start of me being self-conscious. And age 14, Secondary 2, was a dark dark period for me.

Having ballooned up after eating too many packets of fries, my appearance is not exactly appealing. And to top it off with an extreme bad hair cut, I guess it is safe to say that I felt like a loser, and am a loser at that time, complete with no friends in class.

NOTE : IF YOU THINK YOU'RE A LOSER, THERE IS A VERY HIGH CHANCE THAT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE A LOSER TOO. Other than your true friends, of course, who aren't the sort who doesn't do any work and want you to do it, and more stuff along that line.

I felt even more depressed as the people around me started getting into fights and a friend told me that the group of girls who were genuinely nice to me in class actually dislikes me a lot.

Yay me for being self-conscious.

At age 14, it was a dark dark period where I was a fat loser. But that same year was the year that I started growing out the confidence you see on me today.

On, not in, because I do not feel confident inside. I just look the part on the outside.

I got myself into some after school activity club, and there, I met some of the nicest people in the world.

I mean, come on, at that time, whoever was willing to make friends with Fat Roo has to be nice. Like damn nice, nice.

And there was this group of seniors who were just D: in my opinion, super cool. :/ It probably was the way they carried themselves, or the aura that they have. I soon found myself being really annoying and took inspiration off one of them.

Took inspiration, which was actually a nicer way of saying that I am trying to copy her.

She was probably annoyed with me. They probably all were.

But it was thanks to them, especially her that I became the person I am today on the outside. ._.

And it's thanks to her that I have my sunglasses collection today. :D

(I have gotten 3 more shades after I took this photo. It's on my banner, all 3 of them)

And I am pretty happy that her love for all things pink, fluffy and girly did not rub off on me.

So Jemi, if you are actually reading this, which somehow I hope you are, I really need to thank you for this. :D

And Carol too, for all the stuff you taught me, beauty-related like applying eyeliner and eye brow grooming. :D

SO ANYWAY.

Despite me starting to be a little more confident of myself, I guess that 14 year-old me is still trapped inside.

She is a part of me, but I wish she would die somehow and just let me live my life in peace.

This post, is a proof that she is still in me and I hate it.

I hate being shy, but somehow when I want to do something I love, she just comes out. ROAR!

She comes out, and ruins things for me. ):

And people just don't believe it when I say that.

I know this is a weird ending to my oh-so-emotional post.

But this is it.

I refuse to go on anymore, until I decide that I want to.

Random Announcement.

This is a little random, but I am actually thinking of doing a

"Hi, my name is Roo and I'm ..." series.

It will be blog posts where people uh, "get to know me better" without me divulging too much private information in this hi-tech digital world. :D

So yes!

:D Just click below at the "Hi my name is Roo" link at the bottom of this post to view them all. :D

New blogskin & more! :D

Ok, so I finally got a new blogskin. :D

I know it is a very basic one, but the previous one was just... D: so incomplete that it doesn't draw me to blog about anything at all.

ROAR.

I have been thinking a lot lately.

On top of getting pissed at people who probably have no idea that I am pissed with them.

Yay, it sure is nice being me. -_-

I have finally come to this conclusion : I have anger issues.

Major anger issues.

I usually am able to keep it in control, but recently it has been slipping out without me knowing anything.

I am just glad that there is no student-guidance-thingy in Poly for those who have major issues like anger management, or the suicidal.

Yeah, we (meaning our parents) pay good money for education. Expensive education, if I may add. And we don't get to enjoy student privileges like cheaper transportation fees, and someone to talk to when we need help when we are on the verge of committing suicide.

Meh, I am just glad they don't have shit like that. I was "recommended" to go for something like that back in secondary school. And while it was nice to have someone to talk to, it was also... a huge waste of my time.

Unlike for some, it is nothing near therapeutic for me. I have a better time talking to someone else these days.

Speaking of which.

I realise I would rather have a toy as a best friend, than a regular human being.

(Like I said, I did lots of thinking.)

Toys are less likely to leave you, betray you, make you sad, or infuriate you.

I just bought a new Transformers toy, and I am thinking that I am going to buy more.

I seriously need to get a life... D:

I shall randomly end this post while I go find something stupid to do. :/

... Did I mention that I am currently obsessed with Tetris? D:

I even dream about it while sleeping. D:

I really, really need to get a life.

And I have 2 videos to edit. D:

PHOTO! : New banner?

I am considering using that as my new blogskin. :/

Should I or should I not?! D:

Random Rant #1

It is one of the days where I feel utterly useless.

I have tried recording a video for like an hour or so.

I recorded till the battery went flat, and yet I did not get proper footage of anything.

In fact, I ended up deleting the best take because I thought I could do better.

And it didn't help that when I went on to Allkpop to see a bunch of stuff I do not want to see at the moment.

Maybe this is it, maybe this is what I am suppose to do...

Watch people live out the life I have always been dreaming of.

Live off doing things I hate for little money, or just live off my brother.

For once, I want to feel like there is nothing in the world that I can't achieve.

Why does it feel like I am counting right down to seconds to my worst nightmare.

I need to do something soon.

Something I can do that will not make me regret my choice...

I am not going to say much about what has happened today.

But if you say you don't want to work with a freeloader, what makes you think that people who got the same site as you want to work with you?

And it's blatantly obvious that you picked that site because you have found yourself someone nice enough for you to leech on.

And clearly I don't care if I get sued for defamation because I have worked with you long enough to know that you are a freeloader.

People choose to let things go and live their lives when things don't go well for them. I choose not to do that obviously, and I choose to get angry instead because letting things go just means giving up on things you want.

I choose to get angry and bitch all about it on my blog, knowing that the world can see, and knowing that while there are people out there who are going "O.M.G WHY IS SHE SO CHILDISH", at the same time, there are people who agree with what I have to say.

Photo! : Cakes and Bags

These photos are long overdue...

At least the photos of the bag is overdue.

I made a bag for Chu's birthday. :D Which kinda led me to think that I could have a future in this instead of slogging in the ID industry.

(I have a rant post coming up after this. But for now, photos first! :D )

So here's the bag :D

I made a giant top :D.

This is the bag and the top, and a photo taken at a very bad angle. :/

This is the inside of the bag, showing my excellent workmanship :D

And just the other day, I tried out a recipe, making chocolate cake using the microwave oven. :D

I have a regular convention oven, but I have yet to use it and using the microwave oven to make a cake is pretty convenient. :D

And even if it looks like shit, it still tastes the best. :D Super rich chocolate cake is the best. :D

PHOTO : MY NEW TOY! :D

Meet my new toy :D

:D A Roo PEZ Dispenser!! :D

Ignore the hair yo, I took this photo after making cookies and cookie-making is hard work ok.

PHOTO : MEET MY NEW FRIENDS :DD

I mentioned before on my blog that I bought a bunch of random, useless stuff from Ikea.

They are not entirely useless...

:D I bought 2 tiny pots of cacti, one for my room and one for school.

Because everyone knows how boring it is in school. And design students should just... really personalise their own work area. :D

So these are the cacti I had bought...

And you'll probably think it's damn ugly. Well, I only bought them for a reason, that it hurts when you touch them.

So to all the idiots out there who are going to annoy me in class, you watch out.

I HAVE MY CACTI!!

I wanted to name the one on the left, Unicorn, because its spikes stick out and concentrates on one area, like a unicorn's horn. But it sounded stupid, meh.

And I was with someone and that someone said, "Call it Bill... looks like his hair anyway"

Quite true, eh. :D

And the one on the left, that someone named it JoBros, because its 3 of them stuck together. -_-

Roar, I might have just killed the JoBros a bit by watering too much... :/

So this is unofficially named Bill. :D

And this is the unofficially named, JoBros... :/

Wake me up when September ends...

I know I haven't been updating as much as I have been planning to. :/

Last week had been a... pretty emotional, yet insanely annoying one.

You see, my grandmother had just passed away...

I, for one, am not very close to her. Our conversation every once a year goes a little something like this all the time.

R : Grandma.

G : Mm.

R : ...

G : *starts to ramble about being nice and filial to my mother in future*

*Mother nodding with approval.*

I am going to sound like an unfilial grand daughter in this post, but so what?!

Nobody is going to comment on it anyway. :/

Last week, while I was at her wake, I have made a few decisions on my life and death.

I will want a Western or Christian funeral. Where people go to the church, hear good stuff about me, sit down and talk about the good and awesome stuff about me while enjoying the buffet provided. Or they sing songs and walk around my coffin and the pastor prays.

I am not a Buddhist, Taoist, or any of the religions that requires the burning of joss sticks and kneeling and chanting.

(Sermons are like speeches, where the words are clear to me instead of chanting prayers. :/)

So being an offensive bitch, I really do not get it why must I kneel and listen/chant along with the monks. I really don't.

That week was only an emotional one because of all the drama around. You see people sobbing, people fainting, people crying till they fall down.

I only felt emotional when I saw my grand mother's coffin going into the furnace.

(Furnace right? where her body + the coffin got cremated)

Despite being the only unattached grand daughter of hers, I do have some fond memories of her. I remember her sitting outside whenever we go visit her after church.

I remember her giving me the ginko nut dessert thingy which I ended up giving to my mother because I HATE ginko nuts and the dates and the white fungus in it.

I remember her looking less weak and frail. And I remember the time she was able to talk and ramble on and on about taking care of my mother in future in Teochew which I obviously do not understand.

I guess I can only remember the good stuff when the person is really really far away from me. When their flesh and body can't be seen anymore, and when it gets shrunk from a coffin to an urn.

I don't feel particularly attached to anyone at all, actually.

I think I kinda scared a few people with my indifference. :/ The way I did the whole ritual without tearing, crying, sobbing or looking sad or something. :/

And it doesn't help that after the funeral, all the shows I watched happen to be really really sad. Like people leaving the guild (Fairy Tail), old people becoming senile (Can't Buy Me Love) and a lot of other ridiculous shows. Roar.

I shall just update again tomorrow.

It's Tuesday, and I am embarking on a new project soon. :D

Oh, and I did ok for my internship. :D I passed, and I am happy about it.

Temporary Skin... Roar!

So it seems like I have changed my blogskin to what it was back then when I started out blogging.

:/ The one without my ginormous photo up there as my blogskin.

My friend "is doing the blogskin now" and it will be done in 2 weeks. So till then, please read my blog with this superbly boring one I got from Blogskins.com.

Recently I have been indulging in a few random FLIPS on my Nintendo Ds Lite.

For you random people out there who have no idea what FLIPS are, it is something like an e-book, which means my Ds Lite is like a mini Kindle.

So I have completed the Percy Jackson series two days ago, and I am starting to read this series of chick-lit books from Cathy Cassidy.

I don't particularly enjoy them, but they seem decent enough and I can complete them in 2 hours. :/ So it really is not so bad.

I just hate chick-lit right now, seeing that the main character of the first book did not end up with the guy she likes. And the main character in the second book almost did not end up with the guy she likes.

I am a little apprehensive about reading the next book, and I am most pissed at the fact that the girl in the first book did not end up with the guy.

You are probably unable to understand why I am so pissed, I don't even understand it myself.

Heh.

Oh, and I frickin love the Percy Jackson series.

I think I just might love it more than I love the Harry Potter series. :D

I think the movie came out just in time, unlike Harry Potter, because the Percy Jackson movie came out after all the books were written, which makes it... a lot better to me, considering that the last few books of Harry Potter were written as they were producing the movie.

I don't really get what I'm typing above.

But I think I am trying to say that because of the timing of the movies, the Percy Jackson books feel like the author is not writing for the sake of money.

If you are a hardcore Harry Potter fan, you probably will hate me for saying this, but seriously, don't you think the standards of Harry Potter books have dropped ever since a huge deal has been made about it with all the movies and merchandise and cult and religion controversies. :/

I probably do not get what I am typing out right now, considering that it's nearly 1am here, and usually at this time, I will be reading on my Ds Lite, whose name by the way, is Morpheus Poofy Cloud.

Named after the minor Greek god of Dreams and the high school that Cosmo and Wanda from Fairly Odd Parents attended. :D

I shall abruptly end this post while I find something to eat.

I think I will be baking soon. My oven is rotting somewhere in the living room, still brand new in its box since the day it got here. ROAR!

Hey there, HEY!

FOR ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE WITH A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT...

My friend is taking part in a competition, and I would like it very much if you could all help by voting for her.

CLICK HERE TO VOTE!

Her entry is on the first page, under the name Kuridoki.

You would most probably find her name familiar if you hover around Deviantart...

Hi, my name is Roo and I am a shopaholic.

Hi, my name is Roo and I am a shopaholic.

Just last Friday, I went out with my friend, in hopes of enjoying my day with shopping and sushi, which I obviously did.

And just before 7pm, my friend had already bought probably 10 items, and I had only bought 5 pairs of earrings at 90 cents each, which was pretty shocking, considering the fact that every time we go out, I will be the one who shops the most, buying everything useless and ridiculous. So I was actually rather proud of myself, for buying those earrings and those earrings only.

Until we went into Marina Square's Zara...

In there, I bought a pair of jeans, and a black cardigan. I needed a black cardigan, but I didn't need another pair of jeans. I already own 2 pairs of Zara jeans, both of which I have yet to wear them out. But I couldn't resist because they were bleached, they fit me, and they were destroyed/destructed-looking. From there, I had already spent $110 on all those.

And it didn't help that there was a 15% sale off regular priced items in the participating outlets of some event. And one of the participating shops was Topshop.

This is so sinful, I went in and bought another pair of jeans, the pair that I was lusting after for quite a while now, which cost me $80 after the 15% discount.

Oh, and I went to Ikea today and bought $26 worth of rubbish. Not really rubbish, but just things I like and just went ahead and got them.

Needless to say, I have to cut down on my shopping for the next month. Yes, next month. There goes my order for some cosmetics and brushes I had my eye on since like, beginning this year.

I obviously need help with my spending. ;A;

*sinks into depression*

And it doesn't help that I was told that my current part-time job will not last me for a very long time. The contract of the shop is expiring soon and there's a very high possibility that the boss will not extend the contract.

With the sudden thought of the loss of my job in future, I have come to realise that I will NOT be able to sustain my shopping needs on and offline.

Given that I still have my allowance, it is not enough for me to shop as much as I do right now just by surviving on that.

Somebody help me, please? ):

All you need is love.

I just had one of the worst weeks in my history of worst weeks. :/

I broke down in front of someone, which is not something I do, at all.

I can literally count the number of times I broke down in front of someone (excluding family) on one hand.

So you can just imagine how bad it is for me to actually break down in front of someone... on a random day.

It pretty much all started from my inability to appear vulnerable in front of anybody.

And my want for someone to love me a lot and shower me with a lot of attention... probably. :/

I have been up to some... stuff recently.

And I was questioned why am I doing this because there has to be a reason for me to turn up every week and go through the same process. :/

It is nothing scandalous or skanky, stupid.

I was asked why, and it broke me down.

I was trying to get into character, getting into the mood of being emo to be able to do it.

So I had actually thought of some random people, and many things that had happened before.

And suddenly when questioned why, I just couldn't answer and just broke down.

This post is getting ridiculously hard to type out because... my vocabulary is so limited that I am incapable of telling people how I feel.

It just seemed like, all I wanted was attention, and still am seeking that one stupid thing called love.

I feel like my time left to do anything I want is running out...

My youth is dwindling, and I feel like, everything I do, every decision I make cannot be something that is spontaneous or impulsive anymore.

I want to be able to decide things for my own, and to be able to do things on impulse.

I am still young, as many would say.

I want to see the world and make mistakes.

Sighh...

I shall just conclude this post like that. It is pretty emotionally traumatising to put myself through it again, having gotten much fun over the past few days.

A piece of me.

I have a weirdly unachievable dream.

The more I think about it, the more I think I will not be able to make it.

But as that happens, at the same time, I think it is very much achievable since things like that have actually happened in real life.

Why am I such a weird person?

Random update.

I have changed the way I blog since the day I started blogging here.

I started by blogging about the things that went on in my life, the random thoughts I had in mind.
I blogged about the eyecandies I had in school, and that I needed to poo.
(I do realise that there's some sort of a flow going on here, like I am writing a poem. :/ It is obviously not intended, stupid.)

A friend of mine put on her Twitter that every tweet has their own shelf life, and I realise that is pretty true when it came to my blog.

I am counting on the fact that one day I will become super rich and famous, known throughout the land for my awesome sense of fashion and hair.

So all the things I have blogged about cannot be offensive one way or another.

:/

And I certainly do not want to be classified as "part of the 80% who blogs about his/her daily life". I do not see the need to blog about what I eat, what I do, and how pissed I am at the fact that I, a person who hates being in the middle of crowds, am stuck in the middle of crowded area full of smelly people.

I tried to set myself apart from the world, which is already pretty much shown by the way I dress and the way my hair is.

By the way, my brother said this shirt is nice, but my mother thinks I dress too much like a cartoon character. D:

And that was the shirt I wore.

:/ I know it is a fake Jeremy Scott, but I like it ok. D:

The original one is a sweatshirt, and it's not practical for wearing in a country of such insane climate. D:

I have come to realise that despite being boring and the norm, blogging about what you eat, what you have done, and where you went and your chatlogs with your friends, it has actually become... ... really interesting.

I know this blog post is not making any sense. I just wanted people out there to know I am not dead yet, and am very much alive, and my hair is looking like a lion's mane.

I have spent my days doing stupid things like,

1. Watching anime.
2. Get pissed over 2ne1. (I have a love-hate relationship with them.)
3. Watch more anime.
4. Swoon over the awesome main character in the anime.
5. Complain that guys in Singapore are nothing like that.
6. Add to my list of what Singaporean guys should improve on.
7. Then putting it on Twitter for the world to see.
8. Going "YES YES! OMG YOU THINK SO TOO RIGHT!" with random people online.
9. And then going back to watch more anime.
10. Ah yes, and shop online like no tomorrow.

On a random note,

I think it will be really entertaining to webcam with Maya of LM.C. :DD

We can compare cheek sizes, and how squishy our cheeks are. :D

:D

I shall just end this post here because I am going to pressurize my friend to do up my new blogskin soon.

Yes, you're reading it right, I am getting a new blogskin. :D

Now I probably need to organise another photo shoot... D:

Time flies too fast...

She...

Was my best friend back in Primary School and Secondary School till I was in Secondary 4.

We kinda lost contact since then, because I avoided her with my dying will...

Today I am feeling a bit nostalgic, because I went out to meet another Primary School classmate of mine, Chuting.

Chuting left for UK at age 14, she's a year older than me, and she did not come back to Singapore for the past 7 years.

She's from China by the way, and no, she's not like that annoying China bitch who snatched your seat in the MRT/cut your queue/spit on you/step on you without apologizing.

She is more... civilized than that, considering that she left China at a very young age.

No, I am not saying ALL people from China are like that, but apparently most of the China people my friends and I encounter happened to be whatever I had describe above.

I was feeling that random sense of nostalgia, so I decided to write this post, and also because I know it's been a gabajillion years since I update this space.

I miss my best friend, the girl pictured up there.

(No, she's not Chuting, if you read this post carefully.)

I miss the time she would call me up in the randomest of times at night when everyone at home would be sleeping already.

And we would talk till about 1am, which was considered to be extremely late at age 12.

I miss the time we would always hang out together during recess and after school because, truth be told, I got along better with her friends and her more than I do with my own classmates.

I miss the time we would sneak over to the market opposite our school (because we were banned from leaving the school during the lunch break before our enrichment classes.) and buy ice cream and fizzy drinks.

I miss the time I would go over to her house, and we would set up a tent in her room and do stupid stuff like... playing Reversi in there.

I remembered a time I hurt her feelings indirectly once, and in turn she hurt me back many years later.

I started becoming close to this thick-skulled friend of mine (INSIDE JOKE.), Kt, because of our love for random Japanese stuff like anime/manga and Japanese pop music.

And slowly I became a lot more close to Kt than I was to her. :/

I know she was hurt because I... did something I was not suppose to.

HAHAHA, but she did that same thing back to me.

(No, that was not the thing she did to hurt me.)

As we graduated from Primary School, we got separated because her parents felt that the secondary school I was applying for did not have great facilities.

(But seriously, that school was under major renovation/construction that's why. And the holding school SUCKED BALLS.)

(And I know whatever I typed above looked very much like a lesbian love story, but hell no, we are both straight.)

So we got separated, but we still keep contact with each other, meeting up to go out on random weekends to the only place we know, which was Takashimaya. -_-

She lost a lot of weight since Primary School, and she obviously is pretty. So naturally many guys flocked to her, and slowly our phone calls became all about deciphering what the actions of those dumb boys meant.

I got sick of it because it went from trying to decipher to trying to defend what it meant. So I started avoiding her calls.

... I don't remember when she stopped calling. But I only remembered keeping contact with her through Friendster. -_-

Now, when we meet up, things are just awkward.

Gone are the days where we would do stupid random stuff together.

And I kinda miss that...

Now she has her own friends, and I am still stuck with the friends I made since Primary and Secondary School.

My social circle decreased as the others increased... I feel like I have reached a stagnant point in my social life where there are no more people I can meet and make friends with...

Time flies too fast, and after meeting Chuting today, I just felt a lot older than I really am.

I miss being young and the ability and luxury of doing things without thinking.

I suppose I am the only person I know who can't decide on what she wants to do in future.

I want to take Liberal Arts, I want to do Graphic Design.

I want to take up Music, I want to do Animation.

I want to do Visual Communications, I want to take up Dance.

I want to be a Korean popstar, I want to be Tom Kaulitz' wife.

(Please just ignore the last statement. It's meant to make the above sound more... rhyme-y.)

People I know are expecting me to do Interior Design after I graduate.

Like find an Interior Design firm, or pray hard that the firm I interned at would want me.

Then work hard as a designer for the next 30-40 years of my life till I retire/die.

I do not want that.

I resent that idea because there are so many things I can do and want to do with my life.

I think I am still living in my own little world, where I have yet to grow up.

I still believe that dreams do come true if you work hard for it, and I still believe that there are more things in life to do than to study, get a job, then screw your life up and just die like that.

I guess I really am scared to go out and work...

I can only imagine the horror... Facing a boss who will scream his/her head off at you for doing crappy work.

Or face the fear of retrenchment, or pay cut, or not earning enough money for you to retire when you're old. D:

I don't want to end my youth like that...

I WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING YOUNG AGAIN! D:

Photo!

I mounted a bunch of pictures on a piece of black mounting board and stuck it on my wall. :D

My wall is finally looking... interesting. :D

Collecting money later, I hope I dont spend it on something stupid... D:

Tokio Hotel Eon5.

Felt the need to show off my awesome bun :D

While waiting for F.Cuz and LM.C to appear outside the hotel, I made friends with this really nice girl name Eka, and she has tickets to Entertainment on 5 for both Tokio Hotel and Katy Perry.

Just the day before Dorothea and I went stalking the Korean celebrities, she had found the twitter account to Eon5 and they said that whoever is interested in attending the interview for Tokio Hotel, just email them and they will respond within 3 days.

BUT, 3 days from then was the actual recording. I don’t have the time and heart to wait for them to tell me on the actual day that I got the tickets. It was too much to handle.

So anyway...

Tokio Hotel’s interview was scheduled in the evening, whereas Katy Perry’s was scheduled in the morning. And Eka only wanted to attend the Katy Perry segment, so I asked her nicely if she had any tickets to Tokio Hotel to spare because I thought I had no chance of getting them.

And on the day of the interview, instead of giving me the one she has, she ended up giving me 2. :D THANKS EKA, even though you are probably never going to read this.

And Eon5 emailed me just an hour after I got back from meeting Eka in town to collect the tickets from her.

Suddenly, from I-AM-GOING-TO-SEE-TOKIO-HOTEL-ALONE, it became I-CAN-BRING-2-OTHER-FRIENDS-ALONG!

And nobody other than me was interested in meeting Tokio Hotel. ROAR!

I had to beg Ah Mun like that so she will go with me.

Fine, it was a failed attempt in copying Puss In Boots. :/ BUT STILL!

I managed to drag her along with me. :D

And she said it was her job to keep me from going too crazy and rush up to grab Tom and tell him that I am his one true love.

Hahahaha!

So we cabbed down to Mediacorp.

The event started at 7.30pm, we headed down at 4pm. It’s never too early to start queuing up.

We ended up waiting outside the gate where it opens and leads out to the studio.

But being lazy and a total typical Singaporean, I couldn’t take the heat and went inside the lobby to sit down and enjoy some air con while I could. And I took this time to write a note to Tom, in hopes of giving it to him when I get to see him later at the interview.

CAN YOU FEEL MY HEARTBEAT, TOM!

(I am liking my makeup in that photo very much. :D)

Ah Mun said I cannot be let in because I am 5 and children under 6 will not be admitted.

Nice girl I met there, who gets lots of news and updates her twitter and tumblr with lots of Tokio Hotel stuff.

:D SHE SAID I LOOK MORE LIKE 17 THAN THE 20 I SAID I AM. :D

Ok, the people there were being naggy and whiny about us fans. I got to sit somewhere pretty close to where Tokio Hotel was.

Lots of photos, just look at them!

The event started at 7.30-ish pm, and it ended at 8pm on the dot.

It was both annoying yet exciting at the same time.

Exciting, because I got to see my husband in flesh! :D

Annoying, because I waited nearly 4 hours and all I got was half an hour of him?! That’s not very fair, people.

Not to mention, I did not get to pass him my love-letter... ROAR!

Oh, I had forgot to mention, I actually met some really really really nice people there.

As I had said above, I was “resting” in the lobby because I am fat and lazy and cannot survive in Singapore without air conditioning.

I had went to the toilet, and Ah Mun came running in with a panic-y look on her face because the group of girls who was at the lobby with me went out. ALL.OF.THEM.

And when I went out, I found out that the queue has extended from the gate where we once were, to the end of the stairs. D:

I was being a good citizen, so I didn’t cut queue or push my way through claiming that I was there first. Instead, I stood at the end of the line like what other people should do instead of cutting queue.

When we first stood outside the gate to wait, I kinda started talking to a few girls there. THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL FAN-GIRL BONDING.

So when I was standing behind, feeling a little depressed because I was fat and lazy and needed the air conditioning, one of the girls, Sarah saw me because she was walking back to look for her friend.

She said “Why are you so far back!”

And then she offered to let me cut queue and stand with them at the front of the line because she said I was early anyway and it would be really sad to see me come so early but stand so far back.

Her friends agreed to it too, so Ah Mun and I managed to cut in and get some really awesome seats. :D

So to Sarah, Megan, Masturah, Jessalyn(sp?) and a few other girls I met at the studio, THANK YOU! :D

And they were suppose to add me on Facebook... but I guess they couldn’t find me. D:

My week of stalking... kinda.

One particular week, I spent the last few days of the week and the weekend on chasing after celebrities who were in Singapore for Singfest and the Sundown Festival.

Obviously it was a waste of my time, judging from the older posts I have below that I am no longer living in the safe, little bubble I call my imagination.

It first started with chasing them from the airport, the Korean ones, F.Cuz and After School.

That was when Kan waved at me :DD and Dorothea mentioned that I take in a lot in the 3 minutes I saw Kan because I remembered that he was wearing a black tank top, white formal shirt, navy blue jeans, silver hi-tops with black laces, and was carrying a beige messenger bag with black straps.

Oh and he was wearing a fedora too. :D

No pictures because the ones taken were blurry.

Oh and After School came out before them. Bekah took a photo of us, Gahi looked really short because the rest were in 4-5 inch heels and nobody really noticed UEE’s presence.

Obviously when it comes to After School, this was what everyone could say when they spotted them

“OMG I SEE A BUNCH OF LONG LEGS!!!!!”

That, I have a few photos of.

Credits to Dorothea who took them.

The day after, we met up at IMM to uh, stalk them? From the back door where the event was held.

My phone, being crazy that day, went out of battery just before I could find out where Dorothea was waiting for me at, and I had to find a power point somewhere to charge my phone for that mere 2 minutes. D:

It was crazy la. I was waiting at the taxi stand, she wasn’t there. I was expecting her to be somewhere else, but yet was half-hoping that she’ll turn up at the taxi stand. D:

Note to self : Charge phone and camera battery to MAX the day before stalking. And DO NOT use the internet on the phone, it just uses up the battery a lot. Oh yes, and do not lend your phone to your friends whom you know have itchy fingers. They might go online and waste your battery.

So anyway, we parked ourselves at what was supposed to be the strategic spot; the only entrance up to where the event was supposed to be held at.

Alas, the security guards were being a bitch, not really all of them. Just this particular one who was all enthusiastic and ecstatic when she found out that they needed one more person upstairs with the security, but super bitchy and selfish when it comes to sharing information.

Oh, and did I mention that Dorothea’s good friend came along too? :D

I have no idea how to spell her name, but she’s really nice AND she loves Arashi AND HER FAVOURITE MEMBER IS OHNO.

And she loves/likes BIGBANG and she digs up secrets on 2ne1.

Ah, where has she been my entire life? Hahaha!

The stalking that day was a fruitless one, not only did we not get to see F.Cuz, we didn’t even get to take a photo of the only band we saw, which was LM.C. (MAYA, I LOVE YOU!)

Well, I kinda saw F.Cuz... I think.

I saw a guy who resembled Jinon starring out the window and at me. I obviously stared back because I couldn’t make out who it was.

And Maya waved and said bye to us in his deep deep voice. :D

At least that was some sort of consolation. :/