Anti-climatic.

My day ended in a rather anti-climatic fashion.

You see, today is the last day I get to see a very good friend and teacher before she leaves for Australia for a year.

Today is the last day I get to see her because today is marks our last lesson together.

I gave her a bag I made and a card. But we forgot to take a photo together. ):

I always thought the final lesson will end with a pep talk, with lots of tears and such. Instead, it ended on a good note, lots of laughter and joy.

It was somewhat anti-climatic, given that I had imagined that it will be a sad day...

I did end up going home a little depressed though.

I didn't get to take a photo with her, my Ipod died on me on the bus ride home. ):

But I have lots of awesome yummy food to eat while watching Desperate Housewives. :DD

Like I said, anti-climatic.

When you give up something, you should get something of equal value in return.

Whenever I am not online or on Blogger, I usually have a long list of things I want to blog out because it is interesting in my opinion.

Posts that will be filled with my opinion on people around me, and how society dishes out shit every single time.

I wonder if it's short term memory, or that blogging is no longer a priority in my life.

I either cant remember what I want to blog about, or I just get distracted with other shows out there.

One thing I wanted to blog about was this :

I was thinking about this as I was about to fall asleep during a sleepover...

I was never a person with a huge social circle.

I tend to get along better with people that I do not know well. Especially those in between ages 13-14.

My social circle is actually extremely tiny. Therefore most of the time, it would be people making time for me, instead of me making time for them.

I was always the type of person who felt that all I needed was just a best friend. I can live my life with one best friend and nobody else.

I then realise, while growing up, that things like that is not going to happen to me.

People around me who have been labelled as my best friend, they all seem to have an expiry date.

So as of now, I probably do not have a best friend, at all. Just close friends around me.

And I was just thinking last night, if I were to run away from home, ever, I would have nowhere to go, literally.

My room is my only place of solitude, the only place where I seek comfort and I can be myself where nobody will judge me for the way I am and the way I look. But these days, there are people who have been trespassing on my sanctuary, and more or less, devalue the place.

I realise that people I thought know me really well have actually been in my life, or have been talking to me for about 5 years or less. And those people include family members.

People I thought I knew, people I held dear to my heart, and people I include in my life, turns out I am not as important a person as I thought I am.

I always believed that loyalty is an important trait in a person when it comes to building a relationship. So when I put a certain amount of time when building a relationship, I always felt that it is important that I get that same amount back in return.

But noooooooo, life is nothing like that.

I am a little depressed these days, and angsty. So dont mind the depressing posts about people and relationships.

I think it is very safe to say that I no longer wish to invest time and feelings on people I know who will not return it back to me. I am sick and tired of getting the shorter end on the stick, investing my time in people around me whom I regard as important, only to get pushed or brushed aside when "someone else better" comes along.

I know that peoples' lives do not revolve around me, but I do not think that I am that insignificant enough to be the only one who is actually doing something and end up being tossed away like garbage after they get what they want.

Story of my life, I really wonder if anybody actually feels the same way I do.

Someone I know once said this to me after I told her my dream :

Is that what you really want?

Or are you searching for something else in the process?

I just had one of the worst submission ever in the 3 years of my Poly life.

My work was probably nowhere near 75% done.

And instead of freaking out like I used to do back then when I still cared about something, I was actually pretty calm.

Which is a nicer way of saying that I no longer give two shits about it.

Recent events have made me realise how much I do not give two shits... to anything in general, other than things that involve myself.

I am not sure if it's because it's the time of the month or what.

But I realise that I no longer care about how people feel.

I used to be able to sympathize with others when they leave their clique because of personality differences. Or they are just left out of the group because the people there are just not who they think they are.

I used to be able to, used to.

Right now, I really don't give two shits about it. The sky can come crashing down on me, and I would probably only be bothered to save myself, and myself only.

I'm not sure if it's right to say I have matured...

It feels like I am just looking at things, at life, in a different light because of how things have changed.

People you once hold so close to your heart, people you thought meant the world to you, just because they are your world doesn't mean that those feelings are reciprocated.

The world doesn't revolve around you. And the world will not stop revolving just because something bad happens to you.

And just because someone you think cares for you, doesn't mean that you are all that important in their life.

Everyone in life is replaceable.

If there is one thing I absolutely hate...

It would have to be thieves.

So your family is not capable of showering you with luxury items you want so you can flaunt and be all "cool" in front of your friends.

That, dear thief, IS NOT A FUCKING REASON TO STEAL FROM ANYBODY.

If you are wondering who I am addressing here, it would be my part-time maid.

Dear God, why are humans so obsessed with making money only, and would rather delegate the task of keeping a clean home to a stranger?

Why?!

My mother went ahead and hired a part-time maid who cleans pretty well. But she stole from my dad and I.

One of my Hot Topic shirts went missing even before I got to wear it. And my dad had his money stolen. In many different currencies.

You would think that I have so many Hot Topic shirts, and that I am rich enough to let her have one.

Well, FUCK YOU.

You want a shirt? Go earn the money to get one yourself.

I do not believe in charity for the people who are fully capable of earning money for themselves.

If you are capable of stringing a proper sentence, and is able to walk and move with no help needed, then you are perfectly capable of getting a job and buying things for yourself instead of stealing from others.

The money I spent at Hot Topic is hard-earned money I earn myself from my part-time job. Don't you for a second think that all the money I spent online or outside comes from my parents. I do get a stable allowance from my dad every week because if he gives me monthly allowance, I will spent it all within a day.

So yes, I do get weekly allowance. But the amount is not enough to buy me anything I want. It is enough to get what I need, but not what I want.

Come on people. Everyone is greedy. We shop for the things we want, not the things we need. If not, it is not called indulgence or luxury.

Because I know the amount my dad gives me every week is not enough to satisfy my greed for material goods, that is why I work hard for my money.

There is a damn good reason why I fucking hate thieves, pickpockets, robbers.

YOU FUCKERS ARE TAKING THINGS THAT PEOPLE BOUGHT WITH THEIR HARD-EARNED MONEY.

May karma bite you in the ass so hard that you return everything you stole with interest.

If there is one thing I have learned in all 20 years of my life...

It would be that who needs family when you have friends?

Friends come before family...

No matter how I see it, whichever angle I look at it, it's always the same.

Friends before family.

By the way,

I fucking hate Interior Design.

And I can't wait to be done with it.