ROO! ♔

i had a pretty emotional night yesterday. :/ lots of memories come flooding back in my mind. all of which, are nothing good at all.

i just do not get how people can be so shallow, so superficial and so hypocritical. some people claim to be your best friends, but when you get insulted, all they will do is laugh along with the person who insulted you instead of standing up for you, backing you up. not only do they not back you up, they would also gladly ignore your existence just because other people prefers talking to them instead, and then just come up to you in private and go "Let's continue to be friends ok?".

so, does it make you feel better to see your friend being insulted from inside out, being teased and ostracised because she is nothing like your other tall and slim friends, to watch her being torn to bits and pieces inside out, to toy around with her like she's some kind of a joke.

the world is made up fully of superficial beings.

so what am i to you? some sort of a toy, where you derive your morbid pleasure from? or someone you simply picked up along the way to make yourself appear better in front of the rest of the world.

if that is the case, i would really be better off alone. i would rather be alone, than surround myself with people who judge you by the way you look, people who cast you aside when they found better accquaintances, and people who watch you get insulted and teased by that group of "better accquaintances" and laughed, really hard along with them.

staying alive is really exhausting. having to deal with little people like that wears me down, and it's not as if this is a one-in-a-million occurance. stuff like that just happens to me everyday.

sucks to be me, huh?

i dont need your precious apologises, because i have heard it too often that the word "Sorry" has lost its meaning. and even if you apologise, it's not as if you will stop doing whatever you have done to me before. it will just repeat itself, because it's not the first time you have done it to me.

i just want to seek closure to cases like this, but it seems that it is something that will never happen to me. i am not one who just takes everything in, and let it go when people apologise for what they have done. if it was something like, "oh i told you a white lie" or "oh i misplaced something of yours" or "it was just a misunderstanding", cases like that i will definitely let go, because these trivia cases are not worth me bearing a huge grudge over.

i simply hate being ostracised, and i do not like being stuck to like gum when you need help and your other friend simply do not want to help you.

there either is something wrong with me, or people like that are just a huge pain in the ass.