A few contradictions.

I hate my job.

I hate dealing with people, I especially hate dealing with those that I have to work with.

I hate dealing with women, I especially hate dealing with middle-aged women who have nothing better to do than to just gossip, and complain about everything I am doing.

Things like that makes it really hard for me to want to be fair and neutral towards them, makes things even harder when I am the one doing the assigning.

They think I'm biased against them, maybe because of what had happened here.

I need to leave soon, because things like that upsets me, and I do not want to have to explain everything I do to them.

If my conscience is clear, why should I have to explain to them?

But then again, why do I care so much about what they think of me?

I like him.

Like, I really really like him.

It disgusts me when I think about how much I like this guy.

He's not that great, he's very average actually.

Just that to me, he's an over-achiever.

And he intimidates me a bit, because he's an over-achiever.

Circular logic, WOW. -_-

I get butterflies in my tummy, just thinking about him.

And the thought of him makes me smile like a fool, even in the darkest of times (at work).

Yet, I hate myself for that.

It makes me vulnerable, and yet, I continue to do so.

I clearly need to get a life.

My life right now revolves around these few things:

1. Reading the Hunger Games trilogy. Yes, I am that slow. -_-
2. Thinking about him, smiling a bit, then proceed on to hate myself for it.
3. Falling asleep on the bus and train, hoping that nobody will see my eyes when I cover them with my thick bangs.
4. Reconsider my decision to fly to Taiwan for a well-deserved break this July.

Oh, I didn't announce this:

I am going to Taiwan with my friend and her friends this coming July.

Planning and getting them to do little things have been nothing but painful.

In fact, it's so painful that for the first time, I witnessed a fight in that clique on Skype.

WOW, right? I know.

Now that everything is done: we have booked the tickets and hotel, I just suddenly have the marvelous thought of backing out.

Because the bulk of them are my friend's friends.

I don't know them well enough to want to go somewhere with them.

And it just makes things very awkward for me because I feel that the bulk of them are just talking to me because they feel obliged to.

I mean, who doesn't?

When you see someone sitting in, what seems to be a corner, keeping to themselves...

Bah, this annoys me.

I have half the mind to shoot them with something mean, but my friend said that it would make them sad, and their faces will be like this ): .

Then I'll feel all bad...

Nah, actually I won't.