I wish that damn fake bubble would burst.

I guess my bubble has officially been burst.

I saw Tokio Hotel today. Hell they all looked like walking sculptures. The perfection...

I wonder what it must be like to be European, to have such awesome features, to be from a land where everyone looks like a supermodel.

But yes, despite it being all awesome, seeing Tokio Hotel, F.Cuz, After School, Sug, Lee Min Ho and LM.C for the past few days, instead of being happy, I am in fact feeling extremely depressed.

There's something about celebrities.

You see them on covers, you see them on the internet, you watch them on TV and you hear about their news on the radio.

This had actually created an illusion, a barrier if I may say, that they are of a different caliber than us regular human beings.

Everything they do seem perfect.

From the way they look, to the way they behave. Even the things they say, no matter how rude it is, is like music to your ears.

(Or at least it was like that for me.)

Friday, or Thursday, marked the first day I took a chance and attempt to break down that barrier between us.

Between the celebrities and me.

At first, it was pretty addictive, I must say.

You get to see people you never thought you would ever get to meet in this lifetime. And you start thinking, or fantasising, how life will be like if they had a significant part to play in your life, like dating you or even starting a family with you.

(I am called Roo KAULITZ for a reason.)

But as I attempted to break down the barrier between us, oddly enough, I started having this empty feeling inside my heart.

(I am just being melo-dramatic here.)

If there is one thing I hate feeling, it has to be the feeling of not being good enough.

(And believe me, I think about that, or feel that way on a regular basis.)

And with that barrier nearly broken down, there pretty much is nothing left for me to live for.

And hell, since Tom Kaulitz and Kan were two of the only few celebrities I am obsessed with at the moment, I hope you will be able to understand how I feel.

The two that I am obsessed about are the very two that I did not get to make contact with.

(Post-Its la. I made eye contact with Kan and I think Tom looked at my direction once.)

I hate having to think that I am not pretty or good enough for them to lay eyes on me.

(I probably am not good enough. But you are only completely defeated when you yourself think that way too.)

And there is it, shattered dreams and broken hearts were all that was left of this suicidal attempt to break that stupid barrier between the celebrities I idolise and me.

I am wondering if I had made the wrong decision, going all out just to catch a glimpse of them.

Because to them, you are probably just another face in the sea of fans they see all the time.

And they probably won't remember you unless you are super awesome enough to do something that will make them remember you enough.

I always loved having crushes on celebrities, despite their scandalous news.

Because I always thought that they were too far away to harm you, and that is very true.

I really probably shouldn't have gone all the way to see them, because it has pretty much left me devastated with the thought that all guys are the same.

If Singaporean guys are not receptive of me, what makes me think that celebrities will want me?

Hell, I hate having thoughts like that.

And worse, after seeing celebrities for the past few days, Singaporean dudes really do not cut it anymore.