When you give up something, you should get something of equal value in return.

Whenever I am not online or on Blogger, I usually have a long list of things I want to blog out because it is interesting in my opinion.

Posts that will be filled with my opinion on people around me, and how society dishes out shit every single time.

I wonder if it's short term memory, or that blogging is no longer a priority in my life.

I either cant remember what I want to blog about, or I just get distracted with other shows out there.

One thing I wanted to blog about was this :

I was thinking about this as I was about to fall asleep during a sleepover...

I was never a person with a huge social circle.

I tend to get along better with people that I do not know well. Especially those in between ages 13-14.

My social circle is actually extremely tiny. Therefore most of the time, it would be people making time for me, instead of me making time for them.

I was always the type of person who felt that all I needed was just a best friend. I can live my life with one best friend and nobody else.

I then realise, while growing up, that things like that is not going to happen to me.

People around me who have been labelled as my best friend, they all seem to have an expiry date.

So as of now, I probably do not have a best friend, at all. Just close friends around me.

And I was just thinking last night, if I were to run away from home, ever, I would have nowhere to go, literally.

My room is my only place of solitude, the only place where I seek comfort and I can be myself where nobody will judge me for the way I am and the way I look. But these days, there are people who have been trespassing on my sanctuary, and more or less, devalue the place.

I realise that people I thought know me really well have actually been in my life, or have been talking to me for about 5 years or less. And those people include family members.

People I thought I knew, people I held dear to my heart, and people I include in my life, turns out I am not as important a person as I thought I am.

I always believed that loyalty is an important trait in a person when it comes to building a relationship. So when I put a certain amount of time when building a relationship, I always felt that it is important that I get that same amount back in return.

But noooooooo, life is nothing like that.

I am a little depressed these days, and angsty. So dont mind the depressing posts about people and relationships.

I think it is very safe to say that I no longer wish to invest time and feelings on people I know who will not return it back to me. I am sick and tired of getting the shorter end on the stick, investing my time in people around me whom I regard as important, only to get pushed or brushed aside when "someone else better" comes along.

I know that peoples' lives do not revolve around me, but I do not think that I am that insignificant enough to be the only one who is actually doing something and end up being tossed away like garbage after they get what they want.

Story of my life, I really wonder if anybody actually feels the same way I do.

Someone I know once said this to me after I told her my dream :

Is that what you really want?

Or are you searching for something else in the process?